The single funniest thing I’ve ever read on The Hairpin

From the “Ask a Lady” column at The Hairpin I bring you Acquaintansex:

Q. I have a few questions for you! Well actually just one question: “Am I going to be able to get laid after college?”

I just graduated and moved to a new city. I only know coworkers, and LOL that is it. I have like two friends who are products of mutual friends from elsewhere and I am slowly meeting some others but … I like to have casual sex with acquaintances, although not really more than like five times max and actually just once! I used to find these people at parties, where it was fine to arrange for sexual liaison sans date, on the spot, and based on banter and physical appearance alone. But it’s also important to me that they not be psychopaths. And that I know them / things about them / that they have an 80% chance of not having crabs, things like that.

But other college casual-sex fans who preceded me in their entry into the real world now have no sex or serious boyfriends. I want 0 serious boyfriends and 100% yes to sex on every other weekend. But I am worried that my social circle will not be big enough to fit in enough casual acquaintansex!  Even college was getting “crowded” at the end.

But I don’t like to date, I’m never “lonely,” and I don’t want to give dudes the wrong idea by like flirting with them in the daytime or eating dinner with them. I know it’s like, “but what about all that cute love things you can do with them!?” I don’t know, it does not appeal to me! I like to have sex, but mostly I enjoy the echoing silence of my own walls, the ability to potentially sleep with any dude I like, Netflix, and my new puppy (who can spend one night alone, he is almost eight months now).

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