Hate me now.

Gabourey Sidibe. She’s the newest star to pop up on the Hollywood scene. Everyone loves her for her portrayal of Precious Jones in the Oscar-nominated film Precious: Based on the Novel PUSH by Sapphire. The movie was a critical darling and Sidibe has been praised not only for her acting, but for her out-of-nowhere jump into the scene. We’ve heard the story many times, as it’s a favorite for interviewers: Sidibe was a college student who cut class to audition for Precious on a Monday, got a call back on Tuesday, and had the lead in the movie on Wednesday. Definitely a fairytale come true. It’s just the type of story that journalists love and, in my opinion, it’s part of the reason Sidibe is so popular right now. The other reason is that Sidibe is just so darn likeable. I’ve seen her being interviewed several times and her personality just SHINES. She seems really sweet, fun and genuine. Anyone watching wants only good things for her.

So when shock-jock and notorious asshole Howard Stern railed on Sidibe earlier this week, folks were pretty pissed. Articles popped up all over the web condemning Stern and coming to Sidibe’s defense. You can get the full scoop on Stern & Co’s comments here, but in short he basically said that Sidibe was “the most enormous, fat black chick I’ve ever seen,” and tried to pass his mean talk off as concern for Sidibe’s health. Stern also called out Oprah for lying to the young actress when she implied that Sidibe would have a career in Hollywood going forward.

It’s a no-brainer that Stern is a professional dick. Really, that’s probably his official job title but it works for him. So let’s be clear that he deliberately said hurtful things and recognize that he was wrong for doing so. That being said, I’m going to come out and say that though the form was wrong, the message was not entirely off base. Gabourey Sidibe is majorly overweight and as Hollywood stands at present, it is unlikely that she will be popping up in a theater near you.

It’s been annoying me, in a way, that everyone is trying to ignore the elephant in the room (seriously, no pun). I understand the motivation for praising Sidibe and plastering her all over magazines but it’s beginning to feel like overkill. Overcompensation, actually. I’ve heard that Sidibe is a role model for young Black and/or big girls. Yes, on the one hand I can see the merit in that statement. I think that no matter your size you should feel good about yourself, believe you are worthy, and see beauty in your reflection. In fact, I was in a bookstore last Saturday checking out the magazines when I overheard two young Black girls (around 14 yo maybe) refer to a Gaby Sidibe cover and say, “She love herself. She don’t even care she big.” So yes, if those girls got something positive out of the way Sidibe feels about herself I’m ALL for that. That’s only half of the story though. Part of being worthy and feeling good about yourself is recognizing that you are hugely overweight and you are doing yourself a disservice (personally, physically, professionally) by not slimming down. With hypertension, diabetes and heart disease killing our grandmothers and uncles, tell me again that Sidibe is a role model. I’ll wait.  I am in no way advocating unhealthy obsession with weight or saying that being uber slim is attractive or good for your well-being. Isn’t there a middle ground in the discussion around weight and body image?

Another popular comment is that it has been refreshing to see a woman that looks like Sidibe on the cover of magazines looking happy and being celebrated. Yeah, I see that point too we might want to blame the fashion/publishing industry for the lack of “real women” portrayed on runways and on glossy pages for making us so starved for any sign of normalcy in a woman that we go overboard and laud Sidibe’s arrival as we have. We might blame Hollywood for not providing enough quality roles for Black women who fall in line with society’s dominate beauty ideals so that opportunities for large Black women become even more elusive and unlikely. I don’t know, yall. I kind of feel like some of the praise is disingenuous. Are celebs going out of their way to big up (oh, again, no pun) Sidibe so that they don’t come off as shunning the big Black girl? Stern said it the wrong way, but honestly world, you telling me that Sidibe is “beautiful?” Not beautiful in a “she’s got a great smile, great personality, great spirit” sort of way but beautiful in a purely basic, aesthetic, attractive sort of way?

I like Gabourey Sidibe. I want her to be successful but I also want to be realistic. I was not blown away by her performance in Precious and I can’t be sure that she’s really a good actress or if she got the role because she’s an okay actress whose aesthetic and personality fit in with Lee Daniels’ vision of Sapphire’s protagonist. It should be mentioned that her performance may be given extra weight because of the nature of the role and the story of Precious Jones. It’s terribly tragic and sympathetic. Right or wrong (wrong), people are associating Sidibe with the character Jones and some of that sympathy is rubbing off. Her future in Hollywood is not only limited by her weight, but by questions about her actual talent. If this is where you would point out Sidibe’s theater experience at the Bronx’s Lehman College – including parts in “Peter Pan”, “The Wiz” and “The Vagina Monologues,” – I would direct you to the numerous other folks who have similar experience and can’t put two sugars in Meryl Streep’s coffee. As an aside, I too was in Peter Pan and The Vagina Monologues among other productions.

Sidibe has been quoted as saying, “All my life I’ve been hearing that I’ll never amount to anything until I am skinny.” That’s not what I’m saying here. I don’t believe that is true. I also wouldn’t want for her accomplishment to be NOT being skinny. Reducing her contribution to society on how much she weighs is stupid any way you look at it. I think there’s a larger discussion here (damn puns) about fatness in general. Last month on ABC’s Nightline, guests asserted that being fat was just fine. I don’t believe that, I’m sorry. A friend mentioned just yesterday “even fat people don’t want to sleep with other fat people.” Blunt? Yes. True? Mostly. Granted, it’s difficult to balance loving yourself while acknowledging that you need to change yourself but that’s exactly what fat people should be doing. Queen Latifah has never been nearly as big as Sidibe, but in my mind she’s a good model for being a bigger Black woman who has been successful because/in spite of that fact, is a beacon of self-esteem, and still knew she had to slim down at least a little bit.

I’ll definitely be looking out for Sidibe, and I hope she grows as an actress or finds success in whatever she wants to do. She was pursuing a degree in psychology before she found fame so I’d be just as jazzed to see her complete that path. The fact remains, though, that she and other people who are unquestionably fat need to get real and expand their definition of self-love to include healthy weight. Call me a “fatist” or whatever. What do you think about Sidibe, her future prospects, and weight in general?

Update: Gaby’s mom does what a mom should do and stands up for her daughter. But still…