Green is the New Red: You recycling commie bastard!

If you separate your cardboard, glass, and plastic from the rest of your trash, you may be supporting the downfall of America as we know it! You might just be a Communist!

This shirt is a surefire chick magnet

Before I explain why you’re chipping away at capitalism and the American Way with every Coke can that tumbles into a blue bin, let me start with the inspiration for this post. Through my daily work, I came across the Twitter profile of TradConMom. A self-proclaimed “traditional conservative mom of 3; a patriot; a cake decorator, a devout Catholic, and lover of God & Country!”, it was TradConMom’s profile image that inspired my interest – the universal recycling symbol joined by an equals sign to the symbol for communism, a hammer and sickle.  I was confused. How in the world was recycling linked to communism? Being the nosy, know-it-all that I am, I just had to investigate.

After visiting the site Green Is the New Red, I learned that the “Green Movement” is “a covert attempt to destabilize capitalism by hurting the free market, and encouraging anti-capitalistic legislation, all in the name of protecting the environment.” Wow. Color me intrigued! I started to wonder what the basis was for this theory…

The new energy bill makes the incandescent light bulb illegal as of 2014.  The light bulb invented by Thomas Edison will no longer be accepted by the US Government under the notion that it is not environmentally friendly enough.  It will be replaced by the Compact Fluorescent Lightbulb (CFL). Guess where every single CFL is produced? China.

Yep, that’s right. Kiss your good ol’ bulbous American light bulbs goodbye and say hello to those weird-lookin, squiggly, Commie bulbs from CHINA! While you’re at it, just go ahead and delete the word “bulbous” from your vocabulary as well.

And the worst part, is that these so called “green” CFL’s aren’t even “green”.  In fact they are extremley toxic… And if you happen to break a bulb, you are to clear all men, women, children and animals from the room. This is because there is something in these “green” bulbs that is toxic to humans.  Its called Mercury!

OMG. You have to clear every living being from the room (except plants I guess) if you break one of these weird chink bulbs! Our government must have some good reason to put us at risk for mercury exposure, I’m sure.

Why are these toxic bulbs made in Communist China  being forced on  Americans in the name of saving the environment? Because Green is the new Red!

Duh! In addition to this moving evidence, there are several videos on the site that “prove” recycling is a threat to democracy and capitalism. My favorite is Make Mine Freedom, a 1948 animated informational short (aka propaganda), in which we’re taught that America means many things to many people. America is moms, farmers and even different races (wonderfully illustrated at 1:08 by the lone black kid getting the side eye for dipping a blond girl’s pigtail in ink). America, however, is being sold some bullshit under the guise of “ism” which promises to take care of us if we give up our freedom. Of course “ism” is communism and, well, you get the point. The vid tells us why capitalism is wonderful and communism is evil all the while using humor and cartoons. This video is about 9 minutes long, but it’s full of Cold War posturing that you don’t want to miss if you have the time. There are a few others I like including the Fox News clip showing a “communist” flag in the Houston, TX office of the Obama campaign.

This is why I cannot understand folks like TradConMom and the like. It boggles my mind how one can make such ridiculous leaps in logic and common sense to arrive at these half-cocked, hair-brained conspiracy theories. It worries me some, because there are a lot of people out there just like her and the folks over at Green is the New Red. All I know is that the City of New York Department of Sanitation gives out tickets if your shit ain’t sorted right. So in the meantime, I guess I’m on the Commie watch list, waiting for that good good socialist healthcare to come through. How about you?

  • Samantha Thomas

    Incandescent light bulbs will soon be phased out because they waste a lot of energy.`*”