RHoATL, s2e9: Get yo hands out my pocketbook!
Tonight was the 2-hour season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy and I’ve never missed an episode so I had to skip the 10pm ep of Real Housewives and wait for 11. Still, as much as I love Grey’s, I HAD to get my catty chick fix and share my impressions of this week’s ep with you all. Don’t blame me for being tardy for the party!
Fresh from a trip to the Bahamas, courtesy of Big Papa, Kim is reevaluating her relationship. I learned something new, that “Security” is the new word for staying with a married man so he can put your kids through college. Oh, ok. Kim is schizo because on the one hand she said she didn’t care about Big Papa’s marriage since it was just a legal thing with no meaning. Then, not 4 seconds later, she says she wants him to put a ring on it. Will the other woman EVER learn? While waiting for her symbol of everlasting love, Kim will settle for Papa’s money and $32,000 gold necklace. When the jeweler remarked that the necklace was “red carpet material,” Kim said she’d wear it to the grocery store. See, heifer, that’s why you’re tacky. Cuz real classy women who don’t make a big deal about $32,000 pieces don’t go traipsing around the Piggly Wiggly trying to stunt out, either.
Sheree doesn’t do anything but plan dreadful parties and unfortunately, she’s blissfully unaware of that fact. She’s moving full steam ahead on the Independence Party idea to celebrate her divorce and her new found freedom. Go on girl! Always on her endless quest to include herself in this amorphous “elite” class, Sheree commissioned a portrait of herself. Wow, bitch. You are high off of the fumes of your own shit. It doesn’t help that Lawrence, your hairdresser tells you that you look like an 18 year old. Cue Joe Wilson…”You Lie!” Truth be told, Rossin‘s work is nice. He made Sheree look 20 yrs younger and 4x more attractive! Question: What is she going to do with that big ass portrait? Hang it in the bedroom? Yep, like I said… feelin herself.
I am tripping over these Pocketbook Monologues… bootleg ass Vagina Monologues. No, I shouldn’t say that. I never saw the Pocketbook. It might be wonderful (…). I have, however, performed in the Vagina Monologues as the “Angry Vagina”. Wonderful performance if I say so myself. Seeing the Pocketbook in action on RHOA, the way Lisa was doing it, I can’t clap to that. Womp de womp womp womp. Kandi usually plays the background but she came to the PM rehearsal ready to go for a chick’s thoke (throat). Kudos for conjuring up some tears and emotion to go with the piece about a young girl being sexually assaulted by her stepdad who grows up into an HIV-spreading hooker. What makes me sad about this is that Kandi might start popping up in straight to DVD movies, causing Vivica Fox to cash in her unemployment benefits. Me no likey. No. Let me be real. After seeing this Chitlin’ Circuit lookin production, I would not have been able to sit in the audience, let alone perform in it. JUST for the simple fact that they call the vagina a pocketbook so many times. But yeah, Kandi did a good job (minus the wardrobe adjustment and battery pack fail onstage).
They say you can’t mix business with pleasure. You shouldn’t mix friends with money. Fame goes to your head. All of that applies to Kim and Nene. Fame might be too strong a word, though. Kim is feeling herself and this Tardy for the Party song so much that she doesn’t need Nene on the song anymore. Nene, having heard the hit potential (Nene is legally tone deaf), feels she should be on it. Rather, the song won’t sell without her on it. Never a group to have just one, small disagreement, Kandi and Nene start going at it. It saddens me, but I’m certain Tardy for the Party is going to be a hit. If we’ve learned anything from Hip Hop it’s that beef sells records. Modify that since no one is buying whole albums anymore, and T4TP is going to beat Soulja Boy in the ringtone game!
Quotes of the episode:
“I’m not ashamed at all about dating a married man. It’s just a legal thing. It’s just a piece of paper.” – Kim
“Kim is like a dirty person.” – Nene