Stop judging. Kthxbye.

Does having three children by three different men, none of whom were your husband, make you a “ho”? This is kind of rehashing old news but since folks in the blogosphere are bringing it back up, so will I. Erykah Badu recently gave birth to her third child, a babygirl named Mars. As an unapologetic stan for Badu, I was happy to be receiving the Twitter updates from mom and dad during the birth process. It follows that I was peeved after reading several blogs asserting that Badu was exhibiting ho tendencies and just barely escaping that designation because of her fame. Ugh. Kill me now.

I can’t believe how quick people are to judge. When it comes to women and sexuality, people become unexpectedly puritan in their views, giving very little leeway to women to exercise their freedom of choice when it comes to partners, lifestyle and parenting. Not to be on some “anything you can do, I can do” shit, but we don’t crucify men for fathering children out of wedlock. We merely talk a good game about them.

When news broke that Badu was pregnant by rapper Jay Electronica, talk started floating around about her being preggers yet again. Of course the talk made its way to message boards like Okayplayer which Badu often frequents. In response to all of the negative comments and speculation about her character and choices, Badu responded with the following (excerpted in relevant part):

i am a great mother and care giver to my 2 children and to this world .
my children are 2 of the kindest and happiest people i have met.
I home schooled them and taught them the ways of good to the best of my ability.
i am their doctor and their nurse .
and even sometimes their mother and their father.

i am an excellent mother and resent all of the negative comments and insults on my character.
I PUT MUCH TIME AND THOUGHT INTO HAVING AND RAISING MY CHILDREN.
IVE HAD THE HONORS OF HAVING 2 HOME BIRTHS AND 2 WONDERFUL PARTNERS BY MY SIDE.

every relationship i have been in was because i loved the person DEARLY and was dedicated to us “exclusively” FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS.

the fathers of my children are my brothers and friends .
we have a great deal of respect for one another and always will.
WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN TO NO END.
we took our own “vows” and CONTINUE TO UPHOLD THEM.
AND THAT IS WHAT THAT IS .

question?
WHAT IS MARRIAGE ?
WHO IS THE JUDGE?
WE ONLY UNDERSTAND THE EXAMPLES WE ARE GIVEN ( well sort of)

WOULD IT “LOOK BETTER ” TO MARRY AND DIVIORCE AND MARRY AGAIN ?
WOULD THAT BE MORALLY CORRECT ?
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE ? the government’s involvement i guess.
IDEALLY , IT WOULD BE EXCELLENT TO FIND THE MAN OR WOMAN WHO FULFILLS YOUR SPIRIT AND STAY FOR EVER AND EVER ( thru sickness and health till death do us part ) AND HAVE HEALTHY STRONG CHILDREN AS A RESULT OF A HEALTHY AND STRONG UNION.
(this CAN happen … we need much training , however.)

OR

IS IT REALLY “GOOD” TO STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP WHERE BOTH PARTIES ARE UNFULFILLED , LONGING FOR RELIEF , BRINGING one another down as a result of improper training , creating BAD ENERGY AND EXPERIENCES FOR THE CHILD TO REPEAT ?
(not to mention breeding deceit and anger and resentment )
SEEMS TO CREATE FEARFUL CHILDREN WHO TURN INTO FEARFUL ADULTS [...]

how about this:

I PRAY WITH MY CHILDREN
I FEED THEM GOOD FOOD
THEY RESPECT PEOPLES DIFFERENCES
THEY TRAVEL THE WORLD WITH ME
THE KNOW WHO THEY ARE
THEY ADORE THEIR FATHERS AND ARE LOVED BY 2 PARENTS OR MORE -
OR TWO OR MORE SETS OF LOVING GRANDPARENTS
THEY CRY
THEY GET HURT
THEY GET SICK
THEY HEAL [...]

live how you want . follow which ever pattern YOU like .
MY CHILDREN WILL BE LEADERS
and they will not ever be slaves to this society’s failing idea of morality.
THEY OWN THEIR MINDS AND THEIR DREAMS.

BIRTH CONTROL lol … could have 10 babies instead of 2 .

I LOVE CHILDREN AND I WILL HAVE AS MANY AS GOD WILL GIVE ME .

I AM VERY HEALTHY AND RESPONSIBLE AND SO ARE ALL OF MY PARTNERS

I CHOSE THEM WISELY AND SOBERLY .

ALL GOOD BROTHERS .

your opinions lack experience and are not only careless but also very uninformed and immature. [...]

peace

ANALOGUE GIRL

Badu & Puma

Well said. It’s rather hard to define a “ho” as everyone has a different opinion depending on their personal experiences and the way they were raised. Granted, I have a very liberal concept of it all. Still, I think it’s safe to say you’re a ho if you fail to be discerning, sacrifice your values and lower your standards on a consistent basis. I can’t say that Badu did any of that.

Like she said above, her three children are the result of three very significant and important relationships. Badu was in a well publicized long term relationship with Andre “3000″ Benjamin and had their son Seven in 1997. At the time, we all thought they would be together forever. They seemed so perfectly matched and looked fabulous together. Alas, things look different from the outside and the two separated. From what I’ve read, the two still have a good relationship with Seven at the center. Seven years later, in a more under the radar relationship, Badu had a daughter named Puma with rapper Tracy “D.O.C.” Lynn Curry. Apparently this wasn’t a random hook up. Badu knew the D.O.C. from back in Texas, they fell in love and according to her, they didn’t work but Puma came through. Last but not least, after a four year relationship with rapper Jay Electronica, Badu gave birth to another girl, Mars, this year. Now you’d be on point if you said Badu had a thing for hip-hop artists (I feel you, girl) but to call her a ho is just wrong.

Badu with Seven

She was clearly in relationships, meaningful ones, with those men. So I guess it comes down to marriage or not. Well, many people I know have parents who were never married and I don’t think they’d take it too well if you called their moms hos. Marriage is not the cure for everything and is not the answer for every couple. I challenge anyone to give me a reason for marriage that doesn’t center around religion and one which Erykah Badu isn’t meeting in her current relationships.

Yall really need to quiet all the judgment. It’s bothering me.

  • Stephanie

    Love the blog. This is real.

  • NannDimplez

    Co-sign the blog!

  • lisa

    We need more people like you!! Well said!

  • BlkBond

    what blog were people criticizing Badu on?

    • LisaAngelaPamelaRenee

      I don’t even know that I can remember, I check so many blogs but I know I saw three in the past week or so.

  • BlkBond

    Ms. ‘Aroundtheway’, you never answered my question about the study abroad program in the other post. What’s up?

    When you find the blog, put’em on front street. I would love to pay them a visit.

  • LisaAngelaPamelaRenee

    Sorry, I don’t remember what the study abroad question was! Ask again, kudasai!

  • http://instantvintage.wordpress.com Alicia

    Co-freakin’-sign! People are so quick to judge with the dirtiest of laundry in their own closets. I feel her response – shame she had to give it, but I’m glad she did. It makes perfect sense, IMO.

  • bubblin’ brown shuga

    it wasnt a blog but the day after the birth Ed Lover made it a topic of discussion on his show asking “3 kids by 3 dudes? is that wassup now a days?”

    i cant elaborate bc i turned the whole radio off after that.

    you can want to keep a man/relationship all you want but that doesnt mean you actually can or will. if the relationship dissolves limits to how many children you have shouldnt be imposed upon you.

    niggas wanna talk about everybody but themselves. if having babies makes EB happy then its whateva. if having a nose job makes Ed Lover happy then so be it. dont make me no nevermind. its them nutty ass names that got my attention and the fact that both the mommy and the daddies agreed but i digress.

    mofos need to get busy cleaning out their own closets instead of trying to put the next wo/man on blast.

    nadya suleman has the same baby daddy for all 14 of her’n and people still arent satisfied. i for one say fukk em with a plastic spork and let em eat ho cake.

    • LisaAngelaPamelaRenee

      I think EB would approve of that final sentiment. LOL